My Top Ten Celebrity Crushes

BY: GRACE S.

If you know me you know I am always talking about my crushes. That one server at Denny’s who was over seven foot tall. My Waffle House waitress who gave me free pumpkin pie because I won Homecoming Queen. John Cena. Celebrity crushes and real life crushes are vastly different. Both will never happen, but my celebrity crushes have even less of a chance of happening. A girl can dream though. I decided to put all of my celebrity crushes into a list. I could never rate my lovers over each other, so it is just ten of the top ones I think about the most.

Colin Jost

Colin Jost is my favorite guy on Saturday Night Live. He is one of the head writers for the show. I have tried to write jokes before to perform, and let me tell you, it is tough. He does this almost every week and the jokes are great. I am, at the least, breathing more air out of my nose than normal, and at the most, crying from laughing. When I found out he got engaged to Scarlet Johansson, I felt a physical pain in my chest. I wasn’t expecting the news. I didn’t even know they had been dating, so I certainly never assumed they would wed. “Oh,” I said to the friend who told me. “What a shame.” I took the rest of the day off mentally because I felt so weird about it. I want him to be happy, of course, I guess I just never considered the possibility of him being happy without me. I’ll have to move on, I suppose. I have to. I do plan to work at Saturday Night Live one day, so I will have to compose myself by then. Ten years should be plenty of time to get over this crush... Right? Our work environment will not be disrupted be them being together. I would never let a man get in the way of my dream. I guess I just imagined him accompanying me through my dream. Wherever he is right now, I hope he is happy. I wish him nothing but the best.

Ben Platt

He was my first Broadway love. You never forget your first love. One time, I paid over $400 to see him in Dear Evan Hansen. I do not regret spending that money. It was so magical to love someone for so many months and then you get to see him on stage right in front of you bawling his eyes out pretending to be a teenager. In his Tony acceptance speech he said, “Don’t waste any time trying to be like anyone but yourself. Because the things that make you strange are the things that make you powerful.” He has made me want to follow my dreams of being on Broadway. He is proof that being kind is vital and that nice guys don’t finish last. I have bought four blue striped polos and a Levi’s denim jacket because he has worn them. The passcode to my phone is his name. I probably shouldn’t tell you that. Please don’t hack into my phone. Anyway, Ben Platt was instrumental in me becoming me. I will pay $500 to see him on Broadway when he decides to return. Maybe even $600. Don’t test me. My love for Ben Platt runs deeper than my fear of not being able to pay rent for a month.

Shawn Mendez

When I was in middle school I didn’t like Shawn Mendez because he was popular amongst other teenage girls. I loathed the thought of liking anything that had any sort of widespread popularity. It was internalized misogyny to the max! When my middle school angst had calmed down and I stopped hating everything, I looked back at all my life choices. Is it really helping me at all to think I’m cooler than everybody else because I don’t like radio hits? Not really. Do I get anything out of hating something simply because it is popular? Not really. Was my life any better when I tried to be quirky and “not like other girls”? Not really. One day “Stitches” by Shawn Mendez came on and I listened to it for the first time. I had heard it before, but I always rolled my eyes and got mad at it and turned my ears off. But this time, I actually listened to it. And it wasn’t half bad. I now listen to all his music. His collaboration on “Señorita” with Camila Cabello is beautiful. Almost as beautiful as him. I mean, have you seen his Instagram?

Kate McKinnon

She’s so funny. Just absolutely the funniest person on Saturday Night Live. By far. I appreciate Kate McKinnon. So much. She never fails to entertain me. Even if she is in a skit that isn’t particularly funny, I am still entertained by her being on my screen. Her jokes are never mean. I don’t like it when a comedian has to rely on meanness to get a laugh. Kate McKinnon is proof that someone can be hilarious without hurting peoples’ feelings. Her jokes are also rarely vulgar. While vulgarity bothers me less than meanness, it is still hard to watch an entire set from a comedian where they are only telling inappropriate jokes. Her humor is so smart. And she is hysterical. I really look up to her from a comedic standpoint. I hope I get to work with her one day. That would be a dream come true. She is such a strong woman.

Lady Gaga

The summer of 2018 I watched a documentary called Gaga: Five Foot Two. I had heard of Lady Gaga before it, of course. Who hadn’t? But I was never that tuned in to her frequencies. Her songs came on the radio and I wouldn’t turn the channel. I didn’t even follow her on Twitter. But after that documentary, I developed a deep respect for her as an artist. She is exceptional. If you haven’t seen A Star is Born, please do. It perfectly exemplifies Lady Gaga’s virtue as a triple threat: actress, singer, my crush. She has a really cool tattoo of a trumpet on her arm. I dig that. She also used to be the creative director for Polaroid. She has a makeup brand called “Haus Laboratories”. I appreciate how she has done whatever she wants and never just stuck to music. She has her hands in many pots, and as someone who has a lot of dreams, I appreciate a fellow dreamer showing me that you don’t have to only pick one.

Halsey

Halsey has been in my life since eighth grade. Her debut album, Badlands, came out in August of 2015. I had no clue who she was, but she was all over tumblr and Badlands was the talk of the town. I gave it a listen and didn’t like it. I forgot about her for a while and went on with my life. I stumbled back upon her music a couple of months later, and I suddenly liked the album. I bought into her as a person. I like how she used her platform to talk about important issues: poverty, women’s reproductive rights, institutionalized racism, white-passing privilege. My most formative years were spent soundtracked to her music. She helped me feel something when I was in a time of my life where that was near impossible. Her second album, Hopeless Fountain Kingdom, made me realize I deserve to be happy in all of my relationships. I literally broke up with a boy because of “100 Letters”. My mom really likes HFK. That’s also a big deal to me. You always want your mom to like your crushes. Halsey has a new album coming out this month and I don’t know if I could be more excited for it.

Josh Dun

Joshua William Dun. What a guy. For the sake of being transparent, he has saved my life many times. He is the drummer for twenty one pilots and the person on this list who I have loved the longest. I have seen him in concert four times. The last time, it hit me that he’s a real person. He isn’t some ethereal entity that only exists online and in my mind; he’s a real person. A real person who eats sushi, and gets stuck in traffic, and has anxiety about talking on the phone. That’s when my love for him turned into respect for him. He is out here, doing what he loves for a living, and he gives the world the opportunity to listen to his music. So many of my life choices have been shaped by him. I want to be kinder because of him. I want to go into the entertainment industry because of him. I want to give the people I love the best things in life because of him. I even went on a run one time because he said that’s what helps him with his anxiety. (I don’t know if it helped my anxiety or not, but it definitely reaffirmed that I hate running, and it’s always good to learn things about yourself.) One of the things I want most in life is for those I love to be happy, and Josh Dun is no exception.

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Lin instilled the love of musical theatre into my heart. Hamilton was the show that kicked off my love for Broadway and I don’t know who I would be without it. When Hurricane Maria hit Puerto Rico, Lin did everything he could to help. He brought Hamilton to the island and played the title role. It encouraged tourism to the island, brought awareness about the hurricane, and helped get the island back on their feet. I want to give like Lin does. I want my heart to be so full that I do everything in my power to help those who can’t help themselves or just need a little boost. I can’t even imagine my life without Lin and all that he has contributed. He is definitely going to get thanked in my Tony acceptance speech. His mind is brilliant. The way he writes music and lyrics is inspiring. The trailer for the movie adaption of his musical In The Heights came out and I openly cried. I don’t know how I am going to survive the actual movie. The first time I watched Moana (Lin wrote the music for it) I cried six times. I will forever be proud of Lin and all that he has accomplished. He still has so much more left in him, and I look forward to the days when he shares it with the world.

Bo Burnham

Bo Burnham was the first comedian I ever watched. What a way to start my comedic career. His Netflix specials combine humor with song with existentialism. That’s what I am composed of. I am someone who jokes a little too much and sings a little too much and thinks a little too much. And he has two Netflix specials of just that! Each are an hour long! It is a perfect match. I almost didn’t put Bo on this list because I don’t have a crush on him. I have such a deep respect for him; it runs to my core. And I am so proud of him. He has accomplished so much in his youth. He never let the people who told him he was too young stop him. I watched Eighth Grade a couple days before it was released nationwide because I happened to be in New York and they got it before the rest of the day did. I cried before the movie started because clips from his old Youtube videos were playing. I also cried all throughout the movie because it was so beautiful. That was his directing debut and he knocked it out of the park. I will continue to support him for the rest of his career. He is the person I appreciate the most on this list. I don’t love him. I appreciate and respect his work and his mind. And I think that’s deeper.

Post Malone

Posty was a game changer for me. Before listening to his music, I never listened to any sort of rap. I understand that Post Malone is “White Rap”, but I didn’t listen to that genre nonetheless. All of my friends were listening to some weird artist called “Post Malone”. Who? He hadn’t dropped Beerbongs and Bentleys yet, so they only had Stoney to work with. They would play his music on the aux and it just wasn’t my thing. I guess because my friends were always listening to him, I assimilated his music into my life. I’m glad I did. I listened to Hollywood’s Bleeding on repeat for weeks after it came out. Post Malone is the type of guy who loves his mom. He is the type of guy who respects waitstaff at a restaurant. He is the type of guy who would offer you a pencil if you needed one, and then tell you you could keep it for the rest of the day. I want to go to Olive Garden with him one day.