Perfectionism In Teens

BY: GRACE S.

A common word thrown around today among ambitious and prosperous individuals is “perfectionist”, but what exactly is perfectionism and why do perfectionists constantly try to grab the gilded brass ring of perfection?

Perfectionism is a trait that causes certain individuals to experience severe unrest when any standard short of perfection occurs. Dr. Camille Wilson, a Neuropsychology Post-Doctoral Fellow at Nationwide Children’s Hospital, says it “can cause stress and get in the way of people’s functioning” and “ people can become very self-critical or have a negative outlook based on their perceived failures, which can lead to depression or lower self-esteem.”

Everyone can come to the consensus that perfection is beyond any normal person’s reach, and many perfectionists have this same belief system. In the same breath, senior Kate Thompson acknowledges that perfection is not attainable, but she still thinks “everything has to be an exact T” when dealing with her art.

Thompson says she first noticed herself wanting to be perfect during her freshman year. She also noted social media and her admiration of the senior class all expedited her strive towards perfection.

She says when people think of her, they don’t always see she is a perfectionist. “Everyone just notices it as being hardworking.” Thompson noted that at first, the cons outweighed the pros in her perfectionism--“I had to change it, and make it to where it’s more positive and less negative.”

Perfectionists can see in themselves that the trait is a double-sided sword. When asked if perfectionism hinders or helps her, freshman and self-admitted perfectionist Emily M. stated, “Kinda both...I make myself kinda strive for the best, but if I don’t do as well in something, then I kind of say ‘oh I’m no good at this’ and ‘I need to get better’.”

This duel headedness came up often in the interview. Emily stated while she has had both positive and negative experiences with her perfectionism, it isn’t something she would change about herself. “I just feel like if there was an off switch for that then I wouldn’t work as hard for grades anymore and I wouldn’t care as much.”

Emily said while she can’t remember her first experience with perfectionism, she “wouldn’t be surprised if it started sometime in middle school.” She recalls not having pride in her work because she always found flaws and different ways to make it “good enough”. “Well I guess I’m getting better at it [giving herself credit] in high school.”

Middle school is the time when most kids start to realize that the future is actually going to happen; the anxiousness about high school and where they will fit in socially sets in. For senior Cade Brintlinger, middle school was the time he started having a competitive, perfectionist mindset surrounding sports. “I was small in middle school until about eighth grade and kids were getting bigger and faster and stronger and more skillful than me.”

Once he took note of how other’s abilities compared to his own, he started to feel self conscious and decided to change something. “That’s kind of the time I set out, I sat down with my parents and just kind of told them that, ‘I think I really need to start working harder in sports and school, and that I’m falling behind,’” stated Brintlinger.

A lot of the pressure to be perfect comes not only from the perfectionists themselves, but from an outside source: parents. Brintlinger said a reason he has such high expectations set is “Definitely my father. I want to be good for myself obviously, because I want to be successful in life, but I think he really wants me to be perfect and be the best.”

Having his father in his corner has helped him become a better player. “I wouldn’t have come as far without him,” Brintlinger remarked. Private lessons, extra coaches, and good gear are all vital resources in getting him where he is today--all provided to Brintlinger by his father.

He is pushed to a standard of perfection that is sometimes hard to bear. “At some point, it kind of drains me I should say. It’s a lot sometimes,” he disclosed. “I do it for me, and I also do it for people in my family just to keep them happy and make them proud.”

Another negative that comes along with perfectionism is the ability to self sabotage or to behave in a way that damages a person’s own well-being. The need to be perfect and to create perfect things can be hindered by the fear of failing or a warped self image; it can include anything from alcoholism to severe procrastination. Thompson said she used to self sabotage about her own self image: “‘I have to wear this certain kind of clothing, I have to wear makeup, I have to do my hair everyday,’” which interfered with how she saw herself.

Sharing a similar experience with self sabotage, Brintlinger revealed, “My biggest Achilles’ heel is definitely the mental side of it. I have really bad anxiety when it comes to sports and stuff...I over think things, and it’s been proven when you think so much, it hurts your performance.”

Emily also disclosed that sometimes her perfectionism leads to self sabotage because it causes her to think less of herself. The emotions she experiences from it are “usually negative”. She said she often finds herself wanting to be better at the things she does. “Sometimes I do get a little angry at myself if I do something wrong.” This high standard of achievement she sets for herself leaves miniscule room for error, which in turn sometimes makes her feel as if she is “dumb”.

There are not only negative aspects that come from perfectionism; there are also positive ones as well. Thompson revealed, “It’s shaped me into being a better person, and more mature than the rest of the people that surround me.” She also stated, “It’ll help you in some situations, of achieving the goals that really matter to you. So in the end you are like, ‘I did this’ and then it’s like ‘What goal can I achieve next?’”

Emily said her trait of perfectionism “makes [her] strive harder for a goal.” She added that if you are a perfectionist, “You try to strive for the best and be the best you can be.” Because she is unwilling to accept any standard short of perfection, her results tend to be superb.

“I took ginormous strides as soon as I started trying to do things perfectly,” commented Brintlinger. “When you are trying to create perfect habits, you’re gonna create good habits…[which] really helps you in the games, cause you get more comfortable and you get more confident in yourself.” His perfectionism and “at least 15-20 hours extra work a week” of practicing leads him to create “perfect habits” which translate positively to the field.

All of the people interviewed excel in their respective fields, which can lead people to wonder what role perfectionism plays in being at the top.

That being said, perfectionism is still fairly misunderstood. Many people hear the word and can think of someone they know who is a perfectionist, but it is more difficult to fully grasp how it impacts individuals’ lives in totality. It can be misconstrued as being synonymous with OCD, but Dr. Camille Wilson states, “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [OCD] is a DSM-5 diagnosis [the manual that psychologists and psychiatrists use for diagnosing mental health disorders] of a collection of symptoms that consist of obsessions and compulsions that cause problems with day to day functioning,” and therefore “Perfectionism can be a trait seen in OCD, but is not necessarily the same things as OCD.”